Practicing what I teach.

 One of the hardest practices of being a yoga instructor is teaching dharma to a class of students. We become so attached to the physical practice we lose what asana has to teach. Being a teacher I never forget that I am also a student. I make every attempt to have the students that are practicing with me understand the journey they are on.
 Recently I was teaching at a studio and I felt that I wasn't getting the support I needed from the promotions/office manager. In my typical fashion I spoke up. I sent an email to the owner of the studio without calling out blame directly to one person. I mentioned that I felt like we weren't doing enough at the studio to build classes and my frustration with lack of support for promotion of classes. I wrote what I was feeling. I didn't think twice about rereading the email before I hit send.
 What I got back in response had nothing to do with what I was talking about and I got fired. When I got the email from the owner I hadn't even had my morning coffee. I was accused of being aggressive in my email and there were $$ three times in her response. Not a mention of money, dollar signs. I went back to the email I sent and reread it. I showed it to my boyfriend thinking he would be able to see something I might have said wrong.
 His first response was, "She put dollar signs three times in her response to you. It has nothing to with you, it's money." There was never a mention that I needed financial support. What I needed was for the promotions manager to send out news letters consistently and utilize social media. I didn't mention her directly because I didn't want to cause any rifts.
 After my initial shock I felt totally misunderstood. The first thing I wanted to do was to write back and clarify what I was trying to say. I didn't. This was very tough. I knew there was nothing I could say to clear the air and if I did say something it was only going to make matters worse. I felt horrible for the students that loved my class. I felt like I was failing as a teacher. I had to sit with it. I had to own how I felt.
 That is the greatest gift to being a teacher. I had to utilize the teachings of yoga to navigate what had happened and stay present with what came up for me. Practice what I teach. There was definitely something to learn in all of this. What I contemplated is we all want to be understood. In a world of emails and text messaging we are bound to be misunderstood. You can't do anything about how others perceive you.
 I am a live out loud kind of person. I live with intensity and passion. Sometimes that passion is mistaken for something else. The important aspect of it all is intention. When your intention is in the right space, even though it might be received wrong, there will be clarity.
 Even though my relationship with the studio probably needed to be dissolved I will forever reread an email before I hit send.